Detecting the RED FLAGS of a narcissist

In Pamela Anderson's gripping documentary, she offers intimate insights into her personal life, her relationship with her father, and her choice of partners. Many of us can resonate with her words:

From the very beginning, I was attracted to various types of bad boys.

Therapists concur: Our attraction to the so-called "Bad Boys"— often perceived as narcissists — is significantly shaped by our childhood experiences. It is therefore likely that loving and stable fathers less often raise daughters who fall for the first bad boy that comes along.

Naturally, every man should be evaluated individually, but it's easy to understand what's meant by this. Abuse doesn't have to be obvious, physical, or tangible to have real effects and cause harmful, dysfunctional behavior patterns or to support someone exhibiting such behavior. This conduct might not initially be recognized as toxic or unhealthy, but over time it can cause serious damage, both to the men themselves and to the women who date them... and also to the men whom women find attractive.

Perhaps this is how a narcissist is born step by step—through baby steps of encouragement. Thus, their future partners are subconsciously trained to be compliant. We've been trained to justify this behavior with parental sayings like "You know, it's not his/her fault," and eventually it becomes the norm.

Families influence us more than we think. They program us. "Maybe it's because of how I grew up, how I saw my parents, and due to some relationships I had, I did not equate love with being nice," Pamela continued.

If you're accustomed to being surrounded by abuse, lies, and trauma, you unconsciously seek it out because it's most familiar. The narcissist will repeat this cycle of abuse by creating a trauma bond and setting these hooks deeply.

Tommy was so jealous. I thought it was cute, and I thought it was love.

A sentiment many of us can identify with.

From experiences with abuse, lies, and trauma, you're subconsciously inclined to question whether you are even liked when you're with someone less toxic and less flamboyant. The seemingly absent passion does not trigger the same intense dopamine response you would feel with the excessive expressions of love from a typical narcissist.

This is the very delicate part - not binding yourself to this behavior. It feels extremely good, almost like a high, and it can be very challenging to detach from it. The crazy thing is, when you start realizing you're with a narcissist, you either become even more intimate and intertwined because you're not ready to let go, or you want to run away as fast as possible because it starts to get scary.

But escape alone isn't enough. Why? Because the next time you date someone new, you'll be attracted to the same type of person, just with a different face.

It's not just about cutting off the people or person who caused you harm, but also letting go of the version of yourself that allowed these things to happen.

This realization is powerful and requires a great deal of personal work at the same time. To build a truly healthy relationship with a stable person, you need to overcome your own behavioral patterns and habits. Ultimately, therapy or coaching could provide helpful assistance.