People Pleasing: How to break the pattern of always wanting to be well received
Five principles on how to stop trying to please others and stay true to ourselves.
Many know it: every now and then we go to a party we don't want to go to or we don't tell someone what we think because we don't want to upset that person. The balancing act between affable friendliness and friendliness at one's own expense is sometimes difficult. This is exactly where the phenomenon "people pleasing" comes into play. It is a behavioural pattern in which people always behave in a way to please others. The goal - even if not always consciously - is to be liked by everyone or not to upset anyone.
What lies behind it?
Often there is more behind this behaviour than just the desire to be liked. Difficult experiences from the past or experiences from childhood are often stored in our subconscious. The result is negative beliefs, insecurities or fears that still influence us in adulthood or significantly determine our behaviour when dealing with others. Even many years later, we want to avoid having to go through something similar again and therefore try not to turn others against us.
In principle, of course, it is by no means wrong to want to be sociable and friendly with others. It only becomes problematic when we no longer do so freely, but feel obliged to put the needs of others above our own.
But as with everything, awareness is the first step to improvement. Reflecting on the moments when you might have listened more to your inner sense of duty instead of your gut feeling is good for your mental health and self-esteem.
5 principles that help to break the habit
1. Respecting your own boundaries and needs:
Latest when everything becomes too much, it is time to put oneself and one's own well-being first. But it shouldn't get to that point at all: If you respect your own limits and needs in everyday life, you create the perfect basis for inner balance and good mental health.
2. Communicating feelings:
Talking openly and honestly about emotions and feelings is not easy for everyone, but it can often bring great relief. Those who constantly hold back feelings are harming themselves. What is important and decisive is the way in which we talk about our feelings. With the right words and respect, a conversation can arise that ensures more understanding on both sides.
3. Saying No:
Being able to say no - even at the risk of others not liking it - is the golden art. But it is an act of self-love to stand by ourselves and stand up for what feels good and right at the moment.
4. Trusting the inner voice:
Sometimes other people - even those closest to us - cannot understand some of our actions or decisions. Nevertheless, the healthiest thing to do is to rely on our own intuition and let it guide our decisions. No one else but ourselves knows which is the right path for us.
5. Celebrating your own magnificence:
Being true to yourself and authentically living your own truth also means recognising and acknowledging your own uniqueness. Living one's own individuality, regardless of what others might think, is the absolute opposite of always wanting to please others.
What matters in the end
Giving ourselves permission to be ourselves - even at the risk that we might not always be admired for it - is liberating. At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing: feeling comfortable in our own skin and thus being able to walk through life with confidence. But one thing is also certain - namely that the people who are at ease with themselves are the ones who are best received by others...
